“The aim was always to look for something serious,” said Arjun*. Originally from Mauritius, he joined Tinder and Bumble about a year after moving to Luxembourg. Arjun described his dating life as “pretty average” but also didn’t hesitate to say that it would have been more successful was it not for the colour of his skin.

“It’s an unspoken rule,” he said. Not only did he feel he was getting less attention online, but also when going out in real life. “There was a difference between us and the Whites,” he said of his circle of friends.

His success rate between the women he swiped right on and those he actually met was perhaps lower than 1%, Arjun said. And while his matches included women who were White, he eventually started looking for someone from his own background.

There was a shorthand with women of his culture, shared values, tastes and also faith. “I thought it didn’t matter, but it does,” he said. However, this also made an already small dating pool in Luxembourg even smaller. He met his partner outside of the country and is now happily settled.

“Everyone has their own biases,” he said, but added that he didn’t want to compare himself to other men or feel the victim. “I’m happy in my own skin.”

“An exotic factor”

There is an overwhelming sense that dating apps are eschewed towards women. There are more women on the apps than men and their match rates are higher. But that doesn’t mean plain sailing for women either.

“There’s an exotic factor,” said Andrea from El Salvador about men dating women of colour. “Men come with certain expectations.” These expectations, she said, also apply to other women, for example from Eastern Europe.

These preconceptions--the image of the sassy Latina--get compounded by a certain “frat boy” culture among some expats, she said. “For some people, coming to Luxembourg is a bit like an Erasmus, but for work. They’re not really interested in something other than physical.”

Overall, she nonetheless called her experience dating in Luxembourg “fairly positive” and said she had experienced less stereotyping here than in other countries, such as France. One of the men she went on a date with, however, told her: “I thought Latina women were darker.”

In a relationship now with a man from Luxembourg, she said her parents and grandparents had a much harder time accepting her sister’s husband, who is Black. “The other way around is less problematic.”

Dating hierarchy

Both Bumble and Tinder said they could not provide country-specific data on how many users are registered in Luxembourg and their swiping patterns. Google also declined to say how many times the apps had been downloaded from its store. Apple did not reply to a request for comment.

Neither app allows users to filter for race and hardly any data is out there to back up anecdotal evidence by persons of colour.

Statistics published by Facebook’s dating app Are You Interested in 2013 showed that Asian, Latina and White women were most likely to respond to White men. Only Black women were more likely to respond to Black men.

Black, Latino and White men on the other hand were most likely to respond to Asian women, while Asian men preferred Latina women. This analysis was based on 2.4m heterosexual interactions.

Double disadvantage

“I think Asian men don’t have much chance in Europe,” said Jung* from Korea, backing up some of the data. He recently joined Tinder and Bumble. “So far, no luck for me.” Asian men, he said, tend to look “less masculine” in the eyes of European women. “Maybe even cute.”

Not only does he feel that White women aren’t interested but women from Asia are more likely to date White men as well. It’s a double disadvantage. “I’ve never seen a Korean man married to a European woman,” Jung said, while the opposite is true the other way around.

Prior to coming to Luxembourg, Jung lived in Spain, where he said people seemed to be more open to trying new things and having a life outside of the workplace. People in Luxembourg “are focused on their work. Other things are secondary.”

Jung joined the dating sites also with a view to meeting people and socialising but has found a language exchange application more helpful. He’s looking to learn French and will teach Korean in return. “From this application, I met more people. It’s been a good experience,” although also not a romantic one.

Unlike Andrea, Jung said he hadn’t experienced any particular stereotyping, but said this mostly has to do with the fact that people already struggle to distinguish Chinese, Japanese and Koreans, “never mind specific stereotypes about Koreans.”

“Let’s be open”

“When it starts getting to 8pm, 9pm… if you’re a dark-skinned woman sitting alone it looks different. That’s my experience. To go alone to a packed kind of club, that doesn’t feel good,” said Grace* who has lived in Luxembourg for over a decade. Grace was born in Europe; her family are originally from Nigeria.

“When it comes to men, something is lacking in the way they view women,” she said. “Prostitute, sex toy, not well-educated, trouble, drama, illegal, looking for papers.” This is how many--and in particular Caucasian--men view dark-skinned women, Grace said, although adding that this is not specific to Luxembourg.

Like Andrea, she thinks that other women, for example from Eastern Europe or Russia, face similar misconceptions. “I wish very much that people could see beyond all these stereotypes.” While everyone has personal preferences, Grace said it’s important to reflect where these preferences come from.

And while Jung said Asian women are more likelty to date White men, Black men in Grace’s experience prefer White women. “It’s difficult in different ways,” she said of men and women’s dating woes. “It’s okay to be picky, for women and for men, but be realistic and also be human about it.”

Above all, she said, “let’s be open. Don’t go in with a checklist, ticking boxes. If you’re not ready to be curious, you’re limiting yourself to what you think is perfect. And that’s kind of a pity.”

*The interviewee’s name has been changed at their request.